Wednesday, March 02, 2005

How to be a Receptionist

Our receptionist is talking to herself again.

Don't get me wrong, she is a nice girl, but she is strange and it kind of makes me wonder if I'm fated to work with similar people or if receptionists are all alike. You see she is not the first unstable receptionist I've worked with (Unstable in the sense they are fucking loud and make no sense).

I'm an office worker and accordingly I'm surrounded by receptionists at all times so I can consider myself somewhat of an expert. I have also never dated, slept with or fraternised with any of the receptionists I've worked with so I can also consider myself an objective expert.

Now the receptionists I've had the pleasure to work with (I include desk receptionists, personal assistants and office assistants under the same banner) are often quite different however they generally share several traits of:

Talking to themselves (including reminding themselves of tasks they need to finish); and
Singing to themselves (sometimes a medley of songs); and
Telling a ringing phone that they are coming; and
Trying to make me sing happy birthday; and
Being happy to the point you wonder if drugs are involved.

I haven't included being really hot and often wearing skimpy clothes in the above list as I don't feel those points are something to be discouraged.

So the true reality of the situation can be really appreciated I'll provide some direct examples relating to my current workmate:

She once told the kettle it will get a spanking if it didn't boil soon. This was followed soon after with a threat to give me a spanking if I got up to any mischief (For your information this threat was never followed up).
She once shut my office door and sat down on a chair and asked me with all seriousness if my boss really was in the Masons (he is) and if they really were a cult. I am not kidding when I confirm 'goat' and 'sacrifice' were both words raised in her questions. We worked through that one together.
She continues to say "hello" on my return from the bathroom, lunch or from the printer - every time. Now I don't have a problem with harmless greetings besides having no purpose beyond a general acknowledgement of someone's presence. Surely though it doesn't need to be reinforced every god damn five minutes.
Generally she transfers calls via the phone until for no apparent reason she will decides to yell out across the office "It's for you".
Reading back these don't seem that bad which is quite sad in a way. It may mean that I'm just not open to new things, that I'm not sensitive to others needs or even I'm.......

God damn it she is doing it again - don't tell the phone you are going to pick it up, pick up the fucking thing.

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